Thursday, December 27, 2007

Bruised and Smoldering...........

Isaiah 42
The Servant of the Lord 1 "Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations.
2 He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets.
3 A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; 4 he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. In his law the islands will put their hope."

The last few days have been very hard. One of my favorite singer/songwriters, Dan Fogelberg died last week of prostate cancer at the young age of 56. My 94 year old father-in law is in an assisted living facility, suffering significant back pain from a compress fracture he sustained in a fall, and can not use the phone we gave him. I missed spending Christmas with my elderly mother and family because my husband and I came down with a virus, a "gift" we decided it was best to not to share with them. My sister is taking accupuncture because the stress of taking care of our mother who has Alzheimer's is taking its toll...and Sis and I haven't gotten along too well lately. A friend of mine has been keeping cyber-company with people whom I consider to be arrogant and totally lacking in compassion and I don't know how to approach him about it without getting my head bitten off. I just read that the rival priests who serve in the Church of the Nativity started whacking at each other with brooms over the placement of a ladder....and shamefully it was caught on video tape. Today a woman I greatly admired and hoped would bring the chance of peace to her country was assassinated by terrorists. And I am pretty well convinced by the research I've done and the symptoms list that I have geneticly linked Panic Disorder. Yeah, I'm feeling emotionally bruised and like the last bit of light is about to go out. I don't know what the future will bring next and that scares me. Yet because of the promises of Isaiah 42 I have a bit of hope.......and that hope sustains the bruised reed and smoldering wick I am now. Nothing terribly profound today, I'm afraid, just holding onto hope.


Kansas Bob said...

I hate these seasons when everything seems so dark. I think that hope is the only thing that can bring light into these dark times. Hope is a good thing to hold onto CR.. it doesn't make sense to our heads to hope but.. aaah.. what it can do for our hearts :)

Praying that God will comfort and encourage you today.

Blessings, Bob

SolaMeanie said...

Goodness. Sounds like how my life is going of late.

Hang in there. God is faithful.

WAM said...

Ah Crown Ring-
You know- you can write me anytime..we can talk about some of these things. I know- from the health problems I have had- and you know I have some, that when I think of what our Savior went through- his life, his passion, his death, resurection, and the Atonement- I realize- that perhaps- the experiences that I have endured- or will yet endure- are nothing in comparison. There is always Help- and if one goes to the Savior, and the Heavenly Father- one can find peace, love, hope, charity.. and guidence.
Another thing I have learned- over the years through good therepy- after all- losing a piece of you- can cause you to be depressed, and feel sorry for yourself- and worry about whats ahead- I learned, (excuse my aweful grammar) that I only need to take it one day at a time. I am grateful to have this day- no matter what. To worry about the distant past, or the future- is a bit of a waste- for I many not have a future. Sure- I providentially prepare for the future- but I don't worry about it. I have today- and that is what is important right now. For me- I not only had Panic Attacks- but I also had paranoia. I couldn't walk through a mall without feeling everyones eyes on me. I would get dizzy.. light headed.. sick- and have to go find a phone and call someone to talk my way through it. I couldn't enter a nice restaurant- that had glass booth enclosers- without freaking out- I would drink- just to calm myself. It was bad. But you know- I can slowly take care of myself now-It is possible to control it. It was hard for me to perform on stage.. something I never had trouble with- but after going to a competition- that changed... I felt like I was being judged- not only by those whom I could see- but by those- whom I couldn't- beyond the curtain. The pressure was terrible. Now- I can work my way through it. Granted- I do take something for the stage fright now- it helps with anxiety. However, I know- and have confidence that its possible to do it. And the more I do it- the better. Shoot- the last concert I played in , last month- my hands were shaking so badly I didn't think I would make it- but I did. Perseverence.. the silly thing about it is this: No one else noticed it.

Yes, you are brused and smoldering.. but the Lord will heal you and bless you... look to him for your healing power, and strength.

As far as the person you are talking about- gently discuss it with him- he may not bite your head off. I would pray for him before that.. and find your strength. Ask the Spirit- if its right.

I hope you feel better soon CR.. and as I said- feel free to write me-- even if its to unburden yourself.

Johannes Chrysostomus Wolfgang Amadeus