Thursday, December 27, 2007

Bruised and Smoldering...........

Isaiah 42
The Servant of the Lord 1 "Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations.
2 He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets.
3 A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; 4 he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. In his law the islands will put their hope."

The last few days have been very hard. One of my favorite singer/songwriters, Dan Fogelberg died last week of prostate cancer at the young age of 56. My 94 year old father-in law is in an assisted living facility, suffering significant back pain from a compress fracture he sustained in a fall, and can not use the phone we gave him. I missed spending Christmas with my elderly mother and family because my husband and I came down with a virus, a "gift" we decided it was best to not to share with them. My sister is taking accupuncture because the stress of taking care of our mother who has Alzheimer's is taking its toll...and Sis and I haven't gotten along too well lately. A friend of mine has been keeping cyber-company with people whom I consider to be arrogant and totally lacking in compassion and I don't know how to approach him about it without getting my head bitten off. I just read that the rival priests who serve in the Church of the Nativity started whacking at each other with brooms over the placement of a ladder....and shamefully it was caught on video tape. Today a woman I greatly admired and hoped would bring the chance of peace to her country was assassinated by terrorists. And I am pretty well convinced by the research I've done and the symptoms list that I have geneticly linked Panic Disorder. Yeah, I'm feeling emotionally bruised and like the last bit of light is about to go out. I don't know what the future will bring next and that scares me. Yet because of the promises of Isaiah 42 I have a bit of hope.......and that hope sustains the bruised reed and smoldering wick I am now. Nothing terribly profound today, I'm afraid, just holding onto hope.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Life verse

1 Corinthians 1:26-28 (New International Version)

26Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are.

I have not been around much because I am battling a moderately severe bout of depression and it's been difficult to put even a single cohesive paragraph together. I am also accepting defeat and acknowledging I need help to deal with it, whether it comes in the form of a pill, talk therapy, or something else. I posted the above verses because they truly have become a lifeline to me, a way to remind myself that no matter what I go through in this life, God chose me to be His daughter, His servant, long before I was born and He can use even my weaknesses, including this depression, for His glory. I am not particularly wise or influential and whatever bloodline link I might have to European nobility/royalty has been "watered down" to nothing. I make mistakes that cause pain to myself and the people I love and I get angry when things don't go the way I think they ought. But God shows me time after time that regardless of how the world feels about this middle-aged homemaker who limps through life, He loves me and He can make something meaningful out of my life. And dear hearts, if He's willing to do that for me, imagine what He can do in your lives too.

God bless you, every one of you.