Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Hell hath no fury like................

Sometimes there are no worse enemies than one's own family, except the in laws. No, I don't want advice or sympathy, I'm writing to blow off steam or else I'm going to explode. I am tired of being expected to genuflect before the wants of a family that mostly ignores us unless FIL is sick and then expects us to drop everything and come on a moment's notice. I'm sick of people who complain that they can't get ahold of us when they don't even have our correct phone number. I'm sick of people who become hostile/feel threatened over things they don't understand and apparently don't want to understand. I'm sick of being told nothing and being expected to understand everything. I am sick of melodramas, personal agendas, and people who get ragged off if you don't dance to their pied piper tunes. I am sick of people period. Now I understand better than ever why Jesus had to get away from people from time to time. All that recycled baloney is enough to drive even the Son of God away.

Except for those of you who want nothing more from us than genuine friendship, conversation, and to share some laughter and the occasional bout of tears.................. you, I love you more than I can express and I'm sorry if I haven't shown it lately. You are the dear people that help us not need the guys who speak gently and come bearing strait jackets and thorazine. A wise person once said, "Friends are the family you get to choose for yourself". Amen to that!


WAM said...

Ah Crown Ring, sometimes one needs to blow steam off.. :) Whatever happened, must have been a doozy.

Take a deep breath..count to ten.. do yoga..meditate..go for a walk along the lake shore- what ever it takes to find your inner peace again. Take it from someone who knows- I have been there alot- as you know. Family can be totally exasperating at times-but- it does eventually pass- thankfully. Sometimes you just have to be selfish, and take care of yourself at times- to much of something can affect you-in every way. Share it with the Heavenly Father and his Son- they will understand totally, and, also will guide you to perfection.

The Family- well-they will not understand-instead they will hold grudges- and those can last for a long time.

I just found out that my Godparents passed on recently. I was never told when it happened- and should have been told. I was, after all their God child. Due to problems in communication between my Onkel and My Mutter- I was never told until two days ago! Here, my Onkel was in and out of the hospital with Cancer surgery, and the War continue between the two of them. At least now, they have spoken- perhaps it will improve. I hope so- because he is in his nineties- and I would hate to see my Mutter and her only surviving Bruder not get this situation ironed out before either one passes through the curtain.
As I have been taught- famillies are eternal. Even though they pass through the veil- they are there. They love you and watch over you- and bless you when needed.

Well- keep cool-

bis denn!

crownring said...

Hi Wolfie,

Yeah, it was a doozy all right. Needless to say, none of my in- laws will be invited to read this blog any time soon. Mr. Crownring was so upset about the hostility Monday night, I had to work to calm him down before he could sleep. Even as exhausted as Hubby was after being on the road for ten hours and having been up several hours before the trip began. Then Tuesday morning, after he'd left for work, it was my turn to get upset. I needed to get it out of my system, but I didn't want my anger feeding Hubby's. I refuse to be responsible for turning Hubby against his family and I didn't want him upset while driving to work.

You're quite right about sharing it with God, Wolfie. Jesus said we should pray for those who are spiteful towards us, and that's exactly what I advised Hubby to do and have been doing myself. The confusion is the worst part since we can only speculate on the true reason for the hostility. Everyone plays "nice" because we don't want to upset my father-in law and that's primarily the only time Hubby's family sees each other. But after Dad passes on, there may come a day of truth-telling. If so, it likely won't be pretty.

WAM said...

Ah Crown Ring-

This seems to always be the way it is. Famillies end up dividing over the Death of a Loved one- who either has kept the famillie together over the years or has been the strong patriarch or matriarch or both. That is what happened in mein Mutters famillie. Its really painfull and sad. Those wounds sometimes are never healed.

Confusion is the Evils ones biggest tool. Prayer to the Heavenly Father and his Son, are our best tools to avoid that. Being that we are granted Free choice- we choose which one we want to use in our tool box. :) That can be hard sometimes- choosing the right tool. Its easier sometimes to cut famillie off in these situations- but anytime communication is cut off- we damage ourselves and our spirit. I have lived with it for many years now- watched it eat my Mutter alive over the passing of her mother and other things that compounded over the years- little things- that she took really hard. Being human, sometimes we don't see what is happening in the fourth pane of the window- what I mean is- each of us has a window that others see us through. Each pane is different of the four- and one is totally blocked out. It is that one that can cause real problems at times- for we don't know what is happening in that other souls life in order for them to behave the way they do. In my Mutters case, she wasn't invited to a wedding. Well- perhaps the bride didn't know of my mutter- she is of Eastern descent- I forget now what country- ah Lebenease- and it was a big famillie wedding- and most of her famillie used up the invitations. My Mutter found out about her online one day-quite by accident- and that set it off. There has always been angst on that side of the famillie since Omas passing through the veil. My Mutter took care of ninety percent of all her needs before passing- and her brother, due to his work location- way up in the mountains, couldn't do the things he wanted. This caused problems. There were others prior, but this was a main adult one. Since that time- things became even more rough. Her famillie basically wrote me off. They didn't acknowledge me totally-and after Oma died- basically ignored me. When the famillie reunion arrived- I was the dotted line on the geneology board. When the write up about all the famillies children was done, I was left out. My own Tante and Onkel, had no idea I could play the piano- they thought their children and nearest relations were the only ones with talent and music education. That really hurt. Because of this, I built a bit of a wall between them. I don't deny their childrens ability in the least, for they are talented. It just hurt alot. So- I take them very lightly, and know that once my Tante and Onkel pass- I will probably never hear from them again. Just like I wasn't notified about my Godparents, I am sure, I won't find out about their passing until its long after the fact. :)

Funny- my famillie in OEsterreich took more interest in me- than my famillie here!

The famillie around me now- they are different. Very loving, and respectfull for the most part.

Anyway-all you can do, is live your life and pray about it. Love them- more than anything else- as our Savior exhibited throughout his life- loving us as much as he did, and sacrificing himself for us, so that we me be atoned. He did this even though we didn't deserve it. It was through his love that we are saved. Its that example we need to look at and perfect. :)

The famillie thing will work out one way or another. I have faith in that. We all have these situations sadly. They are our challenges in life.

People who placate each other in the end- suffer ultimatly. I hate being placated and know it when I see it. Generally, I just walk away. If I don't, I get angry really quickly- and that isn't good. That is Bipolar disorder- showing its ugly head. So- I walk away. That is a lesson, that is hard to learn-and do, for it is very easy for me to get angry very quickly and people don't understand.

I had one of those situations in July- and still am wondering how I am going to patch it up- or even if I can. Walk away- and pray. Don't let them get you or your Dh.

You FIL needs you and your DH love right now- not your anger or stress. People who are ill- tend to sense that in others, and it gives them equal if not more stress- which in turn makes them sicker.

Well-Keep your chin up..you know you have my prayers. :)

Be at Peace-
Pax Lux


SolaMeanie said...

I know the feeling! ;)